What Would I Give?

Anyone else get “zinged” in church this Sunday? I did! And mine was a double hitter! In my young adults class we talked about Generosity, what it is, what keeps us from it (our excuses,) what God says about it, and consequences for withholding it. End result…ever have that feeling like one of those huge multi-colored neon blinking arrows is right above your head? No one else might have seen it, but my psyche certainly did. Then in church we talked about what true Belief is. (Defined as: “Something considered to be true and worthy of ones trust; to entrust oneself to another with complete and total commitment.”—wow.) My pastor told this amazing story of a man he met in Uganda last week on a mission trip. The man came forward to pray to become a Christian and Jim asked him if he understood what that meant. He answered yes so Jim said, “Let’s pray.” The man stopped him and said, first I think you should know that I’m Muslim. Jim paused and looked the man in the eye and repeated the question: “Do you understand what you’re getting yourself into?” The man replied, “Yes, it means I may get kicked out of my family, lose my job, be ostracized from my community and become completely dependent on any charity the church gives me… I trust Jesus that much.” There was an audible collective gasp from the congregation. And I knew what we were all thinking. Do I believe like that?

After at lunch a couple of us talked about the messages and admitted to the difficulty in attaining this kind of Belief in Jesus. And, as God does so often with me, I spurted out a thought that made me stop and think about what I just said. I was talking about Moses and how I wouldn’t want his job. Hey, go to the most powerful man around and tell him he’s wrong and his power is going to crumble and his work force will be taken from him. Then lead a people who will grumble and complain against you and not listen to you. I wouldn’t want to live not knowing the next step I was to take until I took it. I would not want to wander seemingly aimlessly for decades!... But I want to see the waters part, and I want to go up onto the mountain and talk face to face with God. And I guess the question is, am I willing to give up everything I know for the chance to really see God move? 

Huh… would I? What would I give? Security? Future plans? Desires of my heart? Comfort? Reputation? And I realized. I WANT God. I have a deep longing that runs to the core of my being. And I’m terrified of the cost, but I have this sneaking suspicion that I’ll get to the point where my desire for more of Him trumps my fear. Because I’m not satisfied with once-a-week lessons that prick my moral and spiritual conscience. I’m not satisfied with guilt over what I haven’t done. I’m not satisfied with once a year mission trips. (Not that any of that is bad--far from it, I just want MORE.) I WANT God. I want to see the hopeless become the hopefuls. I want to paint my world in His colors! He is SO amazing! And I want people to see glimpses of who He truly is in all His complex and confusing shades. I used to sing a song long ago in a group called Living Proof. “There’s a voice calling me from an old rugged tree, and it whispers, ‘draw closer to me. Leave this world far behind, there are new heights to climb and a new place in me you will find.’ For whatever it takes, to draw closer to you Lord, that’s what I’ll be willing to do, and whatever it takes to be more like you, that’s what I’ll be willing to do. Take the dearest thing to me, if that’s how it must be to draw me closer to thee. Let the disappointments come, lonely days without the sun if through sorrow more like you I become. Take my houses and land, change my dreams and my plans for I’m placing my whole life in your hands. And if you call me today to a land far away, Lord I’ll go, and your will obey. I’ll trade comfort for pain, I’ll trade sunshine for rain, that’s what I’ll be willing to do. For whatever it takes for my heart to break, that’s what I’ll be willing to do.” … I think I’m beginning to get that song now.