So "Love" has been a theme that keeps creeping up in my personal spiritual journey. What love is, how God loves, how we love (or don't.)
I hear the voice of culture saying, "don't be judgmental, be loving" which is a great thing--really! But for me it turns into, don't have an opinion about anything because you might offend someone. Or, have an opinion but keep it to yourself and don't contradict anyone. Is that love? Being tolerant?
I read a lot of teen fiction (mostly because they're concise and I can get through a book in one to two days.) And over the past year the overwhelming plot arch has been: Protagonist faces trial, finds love unexpected love interest, refuses to change at all for love interest and is loved in spite of flaws. Now I'm ALL for being loved in spite of flaws and being loved for who you are. But the more I read, the more I realize this love is very one sided. The protagonist receives all the grace and makes all the demands with the love support caving. Is this love?
At first my hypothesis was that in general love has been replaced with lust. But I have since had to amend this. More than lust, love has been replaced with worship. These characters aren't loved, they aren't necessarily lusting or lusted after (though to be sure there is surprisingly plenty of lust in teen fiction.) They are being worshiped. The lover worships the beloved and the beloved basks in it.
Compound this with a pervading comment I hear in spiritual circles: "If God is Love he would..." Confession time: I have secretly thought this before. "God if you love me why don't you ___________" or "God if you love me why is ______________ happening?" I realized today, if I put any other name in these sentences they would reek of manipulation. "Husband, if you love me why don't you ___________" "Boyfriend if you loved me you would _______________" "Child of mine if you loved me you wouldn't _________________" "Friend of mine, if you were really my friend you would/wouldn't ___________"
And that's when the revelation hit. The scary, horrid, revolting revelation: What I'm really saying to God is, "why aren't you worshiping me?! Why aren't you keeping your opinion to yourself and caving to all of my desires?" Even worse, than that I expect him to accept whatever love I might give him in return. I set the standards. HOW BACKWARDS IS THIS?! We were created (by a loving God who doesn't need us-- he didn't create us because he was lonely and wanted someone to live him--but humbled himself to come down and live among us and die to heal the rift we created) we were created by that God to worship.
So I did the only thing I could. I fell before a holy, righteous, loving, just, creator God and sought forgiveness.
Point of Grace expressed it perfectly:
The more I know your power, lord
The more I'm mindful
How casually we speak and sing your name
How often we have come to you
With no fear or wonder
And called upon you only for what we stand to gain
God forbid, that I find you so familiar
That I think of you as less than who you are
God forbid, that I should speak of you at all
Without a humble reverence in my heart
God forbid
Lord, I often talk about your love and mercy
How it seems to me your goodness has no end
It frightens me to think that I could take you for granted
Though you're closer than a brother
You're more than just a friend
God forbid, that I find you so familiar
That I think of you as less than who you are
God forbid, that I should speak of you at all
Without a humble reverence in my heart
God forbid
You are father, God almighty
Lord of lords, your king of kings
Beyond my understanding
No less than everything
