Satan lies. This we know (or should.) And I discovered one
of those deep reaching, long hidden lies not too long ago. (See my last blog.) It
was, “you are useless.” And like any good recovery program, the first step is
knowing/admitting you have a problem. So I admitted it. More than once. I saw
how this lie wrapped its tentacles around my thoughts, how it perverted Truth.
And honestly, I thought that was the end. Now I know the lie and I must fight
to disbelieve it. Heh, have you ever
tried to disbelieve something? It’s rather hard! It reminds me of a parable of Jesus. “When an unclean spirit goes out of a man, he goes through dry places,
seeking rest, and finds none. 44 Then he says, ‘I will
return to my house from which I came.’ And when he comes, he finds it
empty, swept, and put in order. 45 Then he goes and takes
with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter and dwell
there; and the last state of that man is worse than the first.”
(Matthew 12:43-45) I knew the lie, and that is a good start, but I didn’t know
the truth. Not really. So finally, I began to ask God. “God I feel useless, but I know that’s a lie,
could you please tell me the truth?” First day… nothing. Then I asked again, “God
please replace my lies with your Truth; who do you say that I am?” And again…
nothing. Then today, without even asking the question, God spoke. He spoke
through a video posted to Facebook where a man named Joe told his story but I
heard my own. It was one of doubt and fear and exhaustion, then he told me God’s
answer to his story and in it I heard my own… “I made a covenant with you, for
better or worse, in sickness and health, and I will take you into heaven one
day. You are mine.”
To
say that I cried was an understatement. I was a sobbing, blubbering mess. I am
his. He claimed me. And in the midst of my tears I started to laugh as I
realized that has always been his answer to me. I say, “how many mess ups do I
get before you walk away?” and he says, “If you’ve offended me, shouldn’t I get
what I want? I want you.” I say, “what if I don’t make it? What if I let go
before the end?” and he says, “By the way, I’ll see you in heaven.” He has
promised to talk with me face to face, he has named me precious. He claims me
over and over again as his own. He said it a thousand different ways through
the prophets and apostles of old, but he is still willing to speak to broken,
scared, souls and claim us. “My grace is sufficient, my power is made perfect
in weakness.” Take that Satan. You may call me “useless,” but God has called me
his own.
