Dreams

 So I was talking with God on my way to work today and he brought me to an awesome revelation. See, I was talking about a list of things that I am working toward--I want to foster, I want to own my own place to allow for said fostering, I want to help my friends out with theater, I want to publish a book or two that I'm working on, etc.--and I was bemoaning the fact that I just don't feel like there are enough hours in a day to do all the things I wish I could. "I have too many dreams!" I said, somewhat jokingly. And that's when he reminded me, "Remember that time when you didn't have any?" 

So for those of you who know me or have read previous posts where I talked about my struggle with depression you will know that there was a time a few years back when I got to a place there there was no dreaming. I didn't want anything. You could have said, "Trisha you can do anything you want, have anything you want--so what do you want?" and I honestly wouldn't have been able to give you an answer. There was nothing. So it probably now makes sense why I got a little emotional today. 

"I have dreams." I realized. Not just one or two. Not just tiny flickering's of "maybe one day I can..." but things I am actively pursuing and deeply want to see come to fruition. And I had to share how amazingly wonderful that is, so here I am, blogging about it! Isn't God so good? I think this is part of what it means that he has given us hope and a future; and I am SO grateful. I would rather have unfulfilled dreams than no dreams any day. Thank you God for dreams. 

Love and Rules

 I was having a conversation with a friend this past week about Christianity being a religion that is based on relationship instead of rule following and all of a sudden it hit me--why do we see those as necessary opposites? I mean, I get it--just following a bunch of rules for rules' sake isn't what it's about, however any good parent will tell you that there are rules because of the parent/child relationship. Love and Rules actually go hand in hand. 

Psychologist will tell you that children thrive when they have boundaries and that rules help them feel safe. So it makes sense that if the God of the universe loves us and wants to be in relationship with us and adopt us into his family, then there would be rules involved. Do we get it right all the time? No. Does breaking one rule forever damn you? No. But are we expected to follow them... yes. And are there consequences to breaking them... yes. And are they for our good? YES! 

Sure we may not understand all of them, but how many times have you heard a child arguing with a parent because he or she didn't understand the rule? And how many times have you heard a child say "that's not fair!" when in all actuality, the rule is very fair. Or unfair to the child's advantage? And how many times have you seen a child throw a temper tantrum as a parent enforced something that was for their own good?

 Yes, there are parents who abuse rules and punishments, but God is a perfect parent, so he doesn't do that. He loves, and sets rules, and follows through with consequences perfectly. So whether or not we understand it all, we can trust him. He's a Good Father. ☺

Surrender

 There is a word I think far too many Churches in our current wordview are shying away from: Surrender. It's not a popular word for sure. It is full of negative connotations. But what does it actually mean? In the most basic sense it means choosing not to fight. It's a laying down of arms and becoming obedient to another authority. And I would argue that it is one of the most important concepts to Christianity. 

This is what Christ-followers are called to. We give up control. (Not that we had much in the first place--we seem highly delusional about how much control in life we really have.) But what we do have, we give up. We hold EVERYTHING with open palms to God and say, "your will... not mine." And the completely crazy thing is, though we are called to this, God doesn't demand anything less than he already gave! We are being asked to surrender everything to a God who already surrendered everything for us. 

Yes, as the rich young ruler discovered, this kind of surrender costs everything. There is no, "I'll keep this part for myself." BUT it is with this kind of surrender that God used 12 men to change the known world. 

I get it. It's scary. Completely. And if we let it, that fear will erode our faith. What if his way is "too hard?" what if I have to give up "too much?" What if it leaves me unfulfilled? What if it hurts? But what about the other side? What if I get to the end of my life and it feels wasted? What if "my way" leaves me feeling worthless and lonely? What if in the end after all my striving, I lose it all? Think of Peter and Judas in the bible. Peter made plenty of mistakes, but he was the disciple that climbed out of a boat to walk on water. Judas gets a lot of judgement (but honestly probably did a lot right. I mean he was a disciple of Jesus) but in the end he hanged himself. Why? Because he regretted taking matters into his own hands...

Giving up control is a huge risk, but honestly, is it any less of a risk than trying to keep that control? Because here's the thing: God doesn't compete. He doesn't share his glory with other things (or people.) He gets to be God whether we like it or not. But this is a good thing! Because God is GOOD. As in that is part of his identity. We can act good... sort of... sometimes. But he IS good. He knows our wants and needs and he is not some passive Being eons away. He is here. Wherever "here" is for you. 

Another word that is actually quite popular at the moment is Relationship. God isn't looking for a chess piece on his board. And honestly, I don't think he's project oriented. My guess--he's people oriented. So surrender with him sometimes looks like "What are you doing today and how can I help?" Sometimes that looks like walking across the room to talk to someone you don't know. Sometimes it looks like loving the kid God brought into your life. Sometimes it looks like selling all you have and moving half a world away. Sometimes it looks like doing laundry. It's God's call. And He's the one that will walk with you. Sure, you'll mess up. He'll be there when that happens too. If I had to map it, the cycle would look like this: 

Surrender-->Live in Relationship-->Mess up-->Admit to it-->Accept forgiveness-->Surrender. 

Wish I could put it in a circle, but you get it. This is the calling. And in my (not so) humble opinion it is "so totally worth it!" 

 P.S. A lot of this comes from Jenny Allen so if you like anything I wrote--totally give her credit! If you didn't... blame me ;)

Change

 Recently I was reading about behavioral change and come across some rather interesting points. 

Many people have things they wish they could change. From appearance to temperament to knee jerk reactions, to world view etc. And so often the go-to solution is behavior modification. I will "make" myself change. Ironically enough, I think we all know that this doesn't really work. If anything, new years resolutions prove this. So how to people really change? Well, what I read was that rather than focusing on the the behavior, it is much more effective to focus on identity. This is also true in spiritual transformation. Growing as a Christian is less effective when we come at it with a rulebook of do's and don'ts. 

I have definitely found this to be true. I have few moments in my life where I remember making a defining decision about who I wanted to be, but one great example was in high school when I decided I wanted to love reading. I didn't at the time. I am dyslexic and reading was drudgery. But my best friend was a reader. (I'll come back to that point in a minute.) I wanted to be like her so much that my senior year I took an independent study in literature! I remember thinking: "I'm going to become the type of person who snuggles into a comfy chair with a blanket and a good book." See, it was a decision about identity. I didn't say, "I'm going to read 52 books a year" (behavior) or "I'm going to get a library card" (behavior) or "I'm going to buy a bookcase and fill it with books" (behavior). I focused on who I wanted to become. Today I probably do read around 52 books a year, and I have a library card, and I have a bookcase that is overflowing. But the behavior followed the identity. 

The second point I read was that you are the average of your five closest friends. That's why it's so important to choose your friends wisely. (Isn't this what we tell our kids?) And in the example I gave, it holds true. I became an avid reader in large part due to my friends. In fact, at the time, all my closest friends ended up in the top 10% of our graduating class and most of them loved literature.

So what about you? Is there something you wish to change in your life? Maybe you want to lose a few pounds. Let me challenge you--rather than focusing on the scale, start painting a picture of what it would look like to live a healthier life. Ex: "I want to be the type of person who gets up an hour early because I love to go running." or "I want to be the type of person who loves eating a good salad." Maybe you want to pray more. Instead of focusing on a strict schedule for yourself think identity. "I want to be the type of person who tells God everything about my life" or "who goes to God first rather than people" or "who is able to be completely honest with God about everything." What type of parent do you want to be? What type of friend? What type of disciple? Spender of Money?  Whatever the change, focus on the who you want to become rather than just behavior modification. Find people who are skilled in those areas and spend time with them. 

Oh, and be careful of emotions. Sure, take the time to discover what they are telling you, but they aren't good drivers. There are plenty of times you won't "feel" like making the change. 

And be careful of motivation. You might end up changing only to discover the change was for the worse. Look to God. He's a pretty good definer of healthy change. 

Finally, give yourself some grace. True change doesn't happen overnight. It is the small things over time. Like C.S. Lewis once said, "Each decision we make is moving us one step towards becoming a heavenly or hellish creature." So be intentional, but be patient. After all, Rome wasn't built in a day, right? ;)

Restless

 Geez it's been a while! I seriously didn't realize it had been five YEARS since I last wrote on this blog. Well I'm back. And most of today comes from a Jenny Allen study I've been doing called Restless. 

It was a study my mom suggested to be because I had expressed that exact sentiment. I definitely suffer from wanderlust but I couldn't tell if that's what this was or not. So the study was a boon since it really helped me process my thoughts. She asked if we were in a place of feeling lost, dreaming, livin' the dream, broken, etc. I definitely put myself in the dreaming category. I have all KINDS of things I am aiming towards in life. Then she asked, what is holding you back? I had three thoughts: Fear of being overwhelmed, choosing selfishly, and failing. Desiring stability--wanting to know that I have the means to make the dreams come true, and what I label "backlash." In other words, what would others think/do? It was in this process that I came to my first realization: **The last time I KNEW I was in the will of God was AFTER I stepped out into something despite very similar fears and it was a season in my life where depression LEFT. Woah. 

It reminds me of a great title to an equally great book by John Ortberg: If you want to walk on water, you have to step out of the boat. 

Maybe it's time I started stepping.