Restless

 Geez it's been a while! I seriously didn't realize it had been five YEARS since I last wrote on this blog. Well I'm back. And most of today comes from a Jenny Allen study I've been doing called Restless. 

It was a study my mom suggested to be because I had expressed that exact sentiment. I definitely suffer from wanderlust but I couldn't tell if that's what this was or not. So the study was a boon since it really helped me process my thoughts. She asked if we were in a place of feeling lost, dreaming, livin' the dream, broken, etc. I definitely put myself in the dreaming category. I have all KINDS of things I am aiming towards in life. Then she asked, what is holding you back? I had three thoughts: Fear of being overwhelmed, choosing selfishly, and failing. Desiring stability--wanting to know that I have the means to make the dreams come true, and what I label "backlash." In other words, what would others think/do? It was in this process that I came to my first realization: **The last time I KNEW I was in the will of God was AFTER I stepped out into something despite very similar fears and it was a season in my life where depression LEFT. Woah. 

It reminds me of a great title to an equally great book by John Ortberg: If you want to walk on water, you have to step out of the boat. 

Maybe it's time I started stepping.