Chapter 21

As I begin to type this I am laughing internally at myself because I'm only on the "third" chapter of this story and yet I'm already going to repeat myself:  "I love how God repeats lessons if we don't soak them in the first time." Back a few years ago I was part of a ministry called Primary Focus/Living Proof. That year of my life alone could fill a book, but right now I'm just going to focus on one week. One day  of one week to be exact. I don't even remember the reason it all began anymore, but out of some inspiration or another I decided to take a week to be silent. No talking unless to answer someone or in productions. The last day of my self-imposed muteness, I took some time to reflect on what I had discovered. The biggest revelation was how selfish talking allows us to be. When I fasted from it, I couldn't put my two cents in when my team discussed where they wanted to eat, or what they wanted to do with the three free hours we had. If someone's comment sparked a witty remark in my mind, I couldn't say it. And why did I have the desire to say it anyway? So that people could see me as smart, or quick, or funny.  I discovered that most of the things I would have naturally said were to bring focus to self. I want to explain something, because I feel smart for having that knowledge. I have a funny story I want to share because I want to be seen as entertaining. I want to speak against this theory or idea because I think I'm right and I want people to know it. How often are the things that come out of our mouths used to puff up self? (Now rarely do I ever consciously realize my true motivations, but I can't deny them when I sit down to meditate on why I say the things I do.) Recently I was reminded yet again of these truths. Oh how deep self runs, with long twisting roots. Perhaps this is why we are cautioned to be quick to listen and slow to speech. What could I learn about those around me if I wasn't focused on what I was saying, or going to say, and I shut up and listened? How much deeper could my empathy, and love, and care for others go if I gave over my proverbial "microphone." And maybe now is the time to start just that. So what were you saying?